Serious About WeightLoss

Man. I hate diets. I hate them. I hate counting internally in my head, and getting excited about a "big" meal that I had saved all day for that is over far too quickly. I hate craving something rich and delicious and trying to "subistute" that craving for something light and healthy. It doesn't work. I find myself constantly craving more, and always having to ignore it. Sigh. I hate diets.

So it's with a realitively heavy heart that I'm back on a weight loss journey. This time, it really is going to be a journey. I'm going to start from scratch on weight watchers. Figure out what my actual weight it, and go from there. You see with weight watchers, one diet doesn't fit all. I have always allotted 29 points a day for myself, but I might be allotted more or less now. I haven't weighed myself in a good year. I hate the scale because it has the tremendous power of ruining my entire week. It's funny how I can feel good about myself til I know I weight 180 pounds and then I don't feel good at all. I feel ashamed, and I feel ugly. I stop trying to look good, and I avoid loved ones all because of a number. Ignorance truly is bliss when it comes to your weight.

But if I want a change, I have to change the way I view the scale. I know I've gained weight because I haven't dieted since October. I've done "week" diets or "day" diets but never lasted more than a week at a time. Not significant enough to make impact. I just love food. Lets be honest. I LOVE it. I love knowing there is something delicious waiting for me at the end of a long, hard day. I don't want to exercise and I'm not going to pretend like I want to. I hate it when you work really hard at being "good" for a week and it doesn't show itself on the scale. The idea of weighing myself every week-ugh. Just sounds awful.

But I want change. I don't know how much I weigh, but I know I'm much heavier than I was at my skinniest. I want to get back down so that I can feel good about myself. I feel good now, I suppose, but it's because I work at a dealership with a bunch of 40 year old married men and women. It doesn't matter how I look. But deep down, I care. It's been hard to diet lately, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because my hearts desire is to always plop down in front of Netflix and eat yummy food. You can do that on weight watchers but not really.

All this to say, that I'm starting that journey again. That dreaded uphill journey that takes months and months to come to completion. It's a good time for it, I'll admit. I work til 6 most days, and I finally have the financial resources to buy all the food I need. I'm going to make this diet work for my life. I want to try and use every single one of my 49 points but I'm scared. So now I'm just using 30 and leaving 19 to catch any mistakes. This week, I'm eating 29 but next week I think I might have to go to 28. It all depends on what the scale tells me on Saturday. But I'm in it to win it. I have two weddings this summer, and a whole lot of reasons why nows the time.

1/19/14

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K Cinnamon Crunch (6 pts)
1 c. Light vanilla almond milk (1 pt)
Total: 7 pts

Lunch:
2 servings of Progresso soup (4 pts)
Total: 4 pts

Dinner:
Ham Sandwich: 4 pts
1 serving pretz: 3 pts
yogurt: 2 pts
sucker: 2
Total: 11

Snack:
1 serving light kettle corn (3 pts)
1 sucker: 2
Total: 5 pts

Daily Total: 27